testing various levels of personal censorship

this is a new start to an old blog. why the change? it's all about your target audience. having a public blog is troublesome, as i (and other blogging friends) have found out in the past. when you start writing you get a sense of false comfort that it will always remain anonymous. when you are found (by someone you know and have written about) or outed (a link spread around from person to person for all to see), it's one of the more disturbing experiences a blogger can go through. there are disclaimers that bloggers use, explaining what to do if you as a reader discover someone's blog you weren't supposed to know about. what makes it worse is that despite having an understanding community of fellow bloggers, people (the unintended audience) that have discovered the blog do not give regard for you or the invasion of your privacy. they are delighted to have an insight into your life, overjoyed at the bizarre leverage it gives them on you. so you stop writing altogether because you don't want to give these people any more power over you than they deserve. several times over in this situation they become people that i lose respect for (and perhaps in turn they have lost respect for me) who make this a difficult place to write, who make me hesitate. this angers me most of all, as oftentimes creativity doesn't come easy and should never be stifled.

sure, there is blame my way for the way things go down. i shouldn't be so public with my writing or thoughts, some say. this is why i flop around, trying to find the proper place to be. there are private blogs, blank notebooks i keep to myself, text files saved on my computer and drafts of emails never sent. so much writing i keep hidden, but to talk to myself is not satisfactory enough. i like what i write sometimes, albeit my inability to filter out the personal and embarrassing i still want to be free to share or vent as i see fit. i wish the people i was most afraid of (oddly, these are the ones i am closest to) could understand how i need this. i am attached to this place. it's MY escape. i've been posting here for years now, so i'm going to continue through it. however, we're testing the waters and for now it's censored. i have to learn how to split my writing as i haven't done before, into two categories - public and private. private posts will be allocated elsewhere but i will post the links here for those that have been given a login so they can follow it as though this was a whole and complete blog. once blogger comes around to developing the idea of individualized private posts (or if i can reorient myself to narrowing my writing down to one specific audience) then everything will be allocated here. i may fiddle around with wordpress as i hear there is more freedom (and as far as my own experience goes, more frustration) for different privacy levels when you write your own code.

this isn't the brightest or carefree way to restart things, is it? well, certain things must be said and now that they're out there, let's begin.