trapped

my head is spinning and it needs to get sorted. i keep going down one path which terrifies and disgusts me. i am looking back and seeing what i really want and wonder how i got here. i silently say no i don't want this, but i never say it out loud so the bus keeps driving forward. i spend hours imaging how things could be if i would have just been brave and stood my ground all those months ago.

i've been hating myself a lot lately.