version 3 point 0

today is the day. i ran away from new york to the beach, to get away from lingering anger and an oppressing job. most moments i can let go and appreciate the now, but standing in the ocean i started crying because i knew i really couldn't get away. that wednesday is coming and the crush of that impending tidal wave is bigger than anything here down in florida. i just wanted to regroup before facing it - it may not have been the best idea financially or otherwise, but no sense regretting decisions of the past.

i'm in a house with a family that is welcoming and makes sure i have towels and food and a good night's sleep. they talk and yell and tug and war, radios and tvs blaring in every room. nonsense mostly but with it comes love. not something my own family is lacking, exactly, but it's nice to hear once in a while. it's overwhelming. mostly i prefer silence. it's hard to think or write or draw with all this noise and everyone talking on top of each other. my mom and dad only call me once a year, on my birthday. i am looking forward to hearing their voices.

different note - from the secret language of birthdays book:

"The highs June 22 people feel are truly as intense as religious or drug experiences. Unfortunately their lows may be equally weighty and deep, and consequently they may suffer anxiety and depression. After several disappointments, those born on this day may begin to steel themselves to the world and to close off to their lovers by becoming more covert in their motives or actions. The danger is that as the years pass they will increasingly isolate themselves in a dream world where they infuse memories with a still greater romance than they once did the actual events in their lives...

"Many born on this day sail along on an uncharted course of desires or fantasy, searching always for the next exhalted state (albiet unreal). More highly developed June 22 people will eventually wish to gather their ego and develop a higher form of consciousness. It is only through practice of a higher awareness, that is, simply observing what is happening around and inside them moment to moment, that June 22 people can stop endlessly repeating themselves."

i find that last paragraph to be a copout bullshit answer. then again it's just a book, and printing a guide to anything in a book as a recipe for life is also a recipe for disaster. speaking of repeating oneself, i may have posted from that book on here in a previous incarnation of this blog. it's good to quote, but it's not whole.

be well, my few readers. i'll post more soon.