i wonder what implosion tastes like

for some reason, when i tuck back in and focus on what's going on inside my head, i have the inability to smile or communicate with any sort of presence. my voice is soft and doesn't carry as air conditioning leaves my throat raspy. my lips, pursed in a frown of thought are stiff and unable to broaden fast enough into a proper smile - i actually have to do stretches to be ready to shine. who has time for that? the smile of course doesn't hold, my thoughts drift back to wherever i left off and then there is no use for it. the introversion leaves me off guard, unaware of how i am presenting myself or what is going on around me. it's good to snap back out of it once in a while, but isn't always something that comes naturally without a lot of booze or practice.