perspective

sometimes i get word that people think something i've said or done is negative, rude, mean, etc. (oftentimes it's just sarcasm and i highly recommend investing in a thicker skin) and that i should modify my behavior in order to suit their expectations of civility, or whatever the fuck their issue is with me. then i come across someone equally or more dark than myself in a moment when i am neutral or even positive, so i see how they can bring me down or how i can relate. then we see how i choose to react, to move on and leave it be or dig to understand. i might comment about them being aggro, or raise my eyebrows. seriously though, i'm not a bad person. they're probably not a bad person. we all say or do bad things but bad actions do not always equal bad person. yeah it's a downer being around someone when they're negative and you're not - but reprimanding is hypocritical unless you are the sort that shits sunshine out of your ass 24/7. if only toilets had plumbing to handle that load, right? we could solve the world's energy crisis with your crap! it's good to know your bullshit would come in handy someday.

i try hard to give what i can in the best positive light that i can. this is not my base nature, and is often constructed for the benefit of others as a way to get through the day. i slide though, growing weary of the charade. men in particular become the target of my sharp tongue it seems, perhaps a touch of bitterness feeds from past experience on my end. perhaps it is the bumbling manner upon first interaction that prompts me to test them, their brains made hazy by booze or fear. i am not the sort to flutter my lashes or laugh at what you say unless it's actually funny. so the test. i appreciate people that can handle a dip into the dark side for the sake of humor or reality - a reprise from the constant happy smiley go go go. strangers just don't seem to get this, and explaining yourself is exhausting.