are you mad at me?

while out at a bar, a friend asked me the other night if i knew anything about people being mad at him. folks were giving him the cold shoulder, did i know of anything? it was unexpected to hear this from that person, being as we are really only acquaintances and don't share close confidences. it must have taken something to cross that boundary, something bothersome and driving enough to ask that question.

i knew of no such irritations towards him, so i relayed that information and some comfort. gave him my seat. i knew that feeling. where you think you have friends, but they come off as dismissive, not interacting with you in ways that they had before. there is an insecurity there, an imbalance of attention.

i brought this up with another common friend, and while she said that's too bad, she also said that he's being self centered as it's totally imagined. i don't really follow that. if you are getting vibes and social cues off people, and interpreting them a certain way - it can effect you. it may be a misinterpretation and the intention to slight may not really be there of course, but it takes effort to purposefully extend yourself to others - on both sides. sometimes we drop this gesture in the flurry of late night activity between drinks and darkened spaces, and sometimes people who have been dropped find themselves needing that reassurance.

the self centered comment bothered me as it also harkens to the expectation that when out in public everyone should be happy and reeling with joy. it's pretty dismissive. i certainly know that panic in my chest when things aren't clicking for me and i struggle to know what to say, or who to talk to about what, etc. i get that not everyone wants to deal with someone that isn't feeling it - who wants to babysit eeyore when you're bouncing about feeling good? that's understandable, but what also needs to be understood is that bouncing about does not come naturally for everyone and that being told to smile is really a slap in the face.