unsent draft no 8

why is it that i am so good at turning off the need for someone else? closing out and just focusing on myself is familiar and easy, repeating the mantra "in the end it's always and only me." at this point i don't bother to explain the idea that i have accepted that there may be no one out there for me because there is always the retort "of course you will, don't give up hope." really though, i'm not looking or expecting anymore and there is more to life than love. it's just a path i'm not going to walk on, but there are other things to experience in my time here.

at the same time, i see romance movies and i get wistful. part of me thinks it's the prolonged conditioning from exposure to hollywood films and tv - it was the type of relationship i saw, so it's the type of relationship i would come to expect. those magical connections between two people seemed to be the penultimate moment

on another note,