rescued

when a ship is sinking, the reason that children are put on lifeboats first is because they have yet to live life and go through the experiences that those left behind have already done. we had our turn. the children are saved and given the chance to make something of themselves first and foremost, and that evens the slate of disaster. i stand still, watching them strap on foam vests as they board the remaining vessels and paddle away.

i think on what i've done and seen. some i am proud of, but mostly i am ashamed or mad at having been afraid and sad so often. not taken risks or experienced more. i could have done better. i am not a child anymore, and if it came down to it there will be no space for me on the lifeboats. this thought wakes me up. i wish i could wake up like this everyday.