not if but when

so the company i work for is having a severe money shortage and i think i will be lucky to survive the next couple weeks or even have a job to come back to in january after vacation. since almost all the other employees have been laid off, i am next (there is only one other guy besides the partners and he basically runs the company). unless something - such as another huge project - comes along to save us, i predict the firm closing by february.

i feel it's time to move on anyway. they've treated me well but i like to learn new things and i have to go elsewhere to grow. i've been here for almost three years now and i need to work on another type of architecture - larger scale, ground up, maybe institutional? my resume is ready. my portfolio is halfway ready but i am uninspired and have no idea how to make it better or more consistent. my website could be redone, that's another looming project i just golly gee can't wait to get started on. yet the thing that scares me the most is that the three main sites to go to for architecture jobs - archinect, craigslist, and newyorkarchitects - barely have anything listed. i just finished all my IDP hours (fuck yeaaah), so in theory i could submit that and use all my free time after i get laid off to study for my licensing exams... it's just a matter of where the fuck is the money for the exams going to come from? or for my rent for that matter? i have no savings, only mounds and mounds of debt. unemployment isn't going to pay half of what i need. how long is this going to go on for? how long can i survive for?

we are like polar bears and all the ice to float on is melting away.


addendum: this has made me very, very depressed.