it's nice to have something to believe in

i watched last night. i get choked up when i hear someone speaking and promising the things i have hoped for from our country for a long time now. i calm myself down by reminding myself of the reality of the situation - IF this person gets elected, IF this person upholds those promises. cynicism and i have been buddies for as long as i can remember. it's a good companion when things go to shit. it's like, hey buddy, you again? and things carry on, and our government does things we don't agree with, and we scowl and spit and proclaim "i didn't vote for him!" as though that makes it okay. in a way it does - it makes it okay for you to think about other things, to change the subject and to continue with your day. muddling through and not talking about it for too long else the blood will begin to boil.

but i just sat there on my couch, letting myself hope for a few brief moments. the title "the audacity of hope" repeats in my ears. it feels good to think there may be a chance for some of the things i believe in to come to light in my lifetime. so it's a tough call - let myself hope and inflate and discuss all that i want for this world, or be cautious - because if it doesn't pan out then it's quite a distance to fall back down. the fear to vocalize your beliefs is pathetic, i know, but i'm a bit of an all or nothing person - either i escape and don't care, or i turn inside out and enrage and research and fight. i have barely fought for anything (never anything political) but i know on the few things i've worked through that i'm relatively thorough. this issue is barely in my hands though - one little vote. what does it matter in new york? it would have been more important in colorado but i'm not even registered there anymore. so it's more like thorough about the things i can control. my reason for hesitation then is: why jump into something when almost all is out of your control?