meh

the dire need to nap hits me every afternoon. kind of drained lately, not sleeping well. i need to go running tonight, wear myself down to nothing so i can full on pass the fuck out. i guess there are some stresses keeping my mind buzzing, mostly money related. i have about $40 in the bank and the entire month to get through til the next paycheck. i had a thought the other day about all the different things that are out of my reach. there are just some things in life i'll never have and i should just accept that already.

even though i've had that depressing thought and it's easy to apply to anything that comes along, there is one shining possibility on the horizon - this theater thing. it's volunteering on weekends for a production in the fall and another in the spring. i would get to do set design and construction, props and special effects and a bunch of other things. this is something i've been wanting to do for a while but i had no idea how to make it happen - then it just sort of fell into my lap. i hope they will accept me, i hope they're fun and this will be as amazing as i'm imagining it to be. fingers crossed.