critique

i just had three friends that i went to grad school with critique my portfolio, and it was harsh. not that i don't appreciate it, but it makes me realize all the more how much better this thing could be. more pressure to perform. i know i could spend $100 on a fancy portfolio binder, i know i could spend three weeks formatting it into a custom book that flips up in a fancy way like my old portfolio did. i know i know i know. i just don't have time, or money, or energy, or will left. i just want to go to the beach tomorrow and relax. i just want to relax a little, so i can stop waking up at random hours and feeling like i'm constantly strung out.

it'll be good though. i know it can. there are ways that the layout can get better and i have many ideas after this discussion. it's like being back in school again, some of the toughest critics ripping you apart so you can put yourself back together, only a better version of you this time around. hearing things like "who do you want to tailor this portfolio to" and "what type of job are you trying to get" and "i wouldn't hire you with that image, interview over" really make me question myself. some things i am certain about, others i am not. i know that image is there for a reason - it represents me, my personality. if the person hiring me doesn't understand what goes into that image, then i don't want to work for them. yet the other things... where do i want to go, what do i want to do, what am i trying to show... those are harder to answer because they are questions about myself and my future that i have not yet figured out.

i'm going to watch more of matt dancing like an idiot around the world. dancing badly is something that makes me laugh and feel better, a release of all seriousness through every single part of my body. i know that even though he's doing something completely silly, at least he's going somewhere and taking it to the next level.

on a side note - i realize my blog has become more about architecture and my job. i promise to get back to whining about boys and other frivolous depressing topics in due time.