the deep end

i didn't realize it would happen this quickly, but i guess it makes sense. when i get obsessed with something it's head over heels, diving down to the very bottom. searching for the coin that was tossed in and finding a bounty of gold. greed keeps me there, attempting to pull this heavy treasure chest back up with me - what good is it down here. there is this aching in my own chest - i am missing someone that isn't real, an illusion on a screen devised and plotted and created by a cast of others. i know this, i've always known this. limited time only. of course now i can see the end and i am trying to remind myself of what i left behind. i need air, which is miles and miles back up. if only i could breathe water, if only i had strength to lift this back with me, if only i hadn't given up on the surface in the first place. the easy way out is never the easy way out and most people know this. these are lessons i have to learn i guess.