whirlwind

i love this. i love being caught up crazy can't get everything done but still trying juggling gasping-for-air staying awake tired tired tired shaky giggly droopy energized WHOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSHH!

we moved the sets into the theater today. i painted, helped, and learned. i directed people when they needed the stage plan read, i measured and placed the platforms, i instructed how the flats come together. it's lovely. it's not all done, but it's lovely. i am tired. late night last night, early morning, racing around town, working for 12 hours, smiling friendly faces, frustrations, laughter, general good times. people of all talents coming together to make this happen - costumes, lights, sets, orchestra. tomorrow is my first full orchestra rehearsal. i'm nervous because i haven't had much time or energy to practice this past week. i'm kind of sad to be leaving the sets alone while they finish up so i can go to rehearse, so i'm pushing myself even more to race from the west village (orchestra space) to the upper east side (theater) to catch a few more hours of set assembly. i love it. it's worth the trip. it was so satisfying to see the first gigantic tree erected, to see the giant flats attached to travellers and sliding across the stage with a simple pull of the rope. magic.

i'm so happy. i was put on this earth to create in any way i can, and doing so much makes me feel like i'm exploding with joy. i never want this race to end.

one last note - there is a boy. no, a man. oh yes. it's just a crush that i probably won't act on (how do people do that), but whoa. i thought for a long while there that i was asexual. i felt so completely shut down, unable to define what i like to see in someone and incapable of being turned on by anyone - but goddamn this man blows me away. he works for the theater, has many many tools and he sure knows how to use them. he is it. he has a fine build, ruffled hair and a gruff hilarious sense of humor. stop me now before i drown in a puddle of my own drool. he probably has a girlfriend - anyone that gorgeous would. still, it's nice to dream.